I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
