Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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