True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Randomize
