Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
