tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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