are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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