I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Shame - the story of my life.
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