rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
