Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
