Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
