you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize