Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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