Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
