just tell him i said nine months
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
3 2 1 whiskey
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
