my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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