He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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