i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
