if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize