dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
