I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
