i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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