Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
