ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
