I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize