Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
