u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
