I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize