no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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