I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
