I wanna passion pit in your ass
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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