Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
