I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize