I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
