She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize