you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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