You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
