don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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