...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
