I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
