I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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