Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
