if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
