Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
