I can't breathe out the right side of my face
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
