Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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