so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
