So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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