i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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