Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
