The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I had to cum in my sink.
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