Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize