i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
