I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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