I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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