how can u be prego again
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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