They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
