Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
