he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
