I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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