also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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