someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
