so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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