she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
