And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm having to shit out rocks
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