I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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