i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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