I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
